No, I won’t be watching. No, I won’t be giving you a play-by-play. Frankly, it’s because I like my sanity – what little is left of it – and because tonight’s topic is national security, I’d also like to not be fighting the urge to put a fist through my TV for 90 minutes. As a matter of fact, there’s a ton of things I’d rather be doing than watching the debate, so here’s a partial list.
- Root canal. I love root canals.
- Playing with raw meat inside an alligator enclosure in Florida.
- Drinking antifreeze (don’t worry I was a college student once – I’m sure I’ve ingested worse stuff).
- Being ravaged by a herd of hungry yak.
- Being torn apart by Walking Dead zombies.
- Tumbling into a gorilla enclosure.
- Listening to a fat acceptance lecture by Trigglypuff.
- Electric shock therapy.
- Prostate exam. Yes, I know I don’t have one…
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