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Liberal Problems: The Joy of Leftist Sex

19 Apr
You thought Democrats were only arguing about whether tampons alone should be free of sales tax, and whether churches should be forced to have unisex latrines where Trans people could squat right beside children.

But no.  The sex life of the modern liberal is far more vexed than that.  But Dan Savage is there to help them:

I am a twentysomething, straight, cis-female expat. How long do I have to wait to ask my German lover, who is übersensitive about the Holocaust, to indulge me in my greatest—and, until now, unrealized—fantasy: Nazi role-play? He is very delicate around me because I am a secular Jew and the descendant of Holocaust survivors. (Even though I’ve instructed him to watch The Believer, starring Ryan Gosling as a Jewish neo-Nazi, to get a better grasp on my relationship with Judaism. To be clear, I am not actually a neo-Nazi—just your garden-variety self-hating Jew.) This persists even though we’ve spoken about my anti-Zionist politics. Evidently he was indoctrinated from a young age with a hyperapologetic history curriculum. I appreciate that he thinks it was wrong for the SS to slaughter my family, but it’s not like he did it himself. I know it sounds really fucked up, but I promise this isn’t coming from a place of deep-seated self-loathing. Even if it were, it’s not like we’d be hurting anybody. We’re both in good psychological working condition, and neither of us is an actual bigot. I would try to get to know him better, but we are so different (there’s a big age difference) and I don’t really see our relationship being much more than ze sex.
National Socialist Pretend Party
“Sex writers get all the really good religion questions,” said Mark Oppenheimer. “Can we trade mailboxes sometime soon? I’m tired of dealing with all the questions about why evangelicals support a thrice-married misogynist reality-TV star who never goes to church.”
Oppenheimer writes the Beliefs column for the New York Timesand is cohost of Unorthodox, an “irreverent podcast about Jews and other people”. I invited Oppenheimer to weigh in because I am, sadly, not Jewish myself. (Jewishness is conferred through matrilineal descent, your mom—or, if you’re Reform, either parent—has to be Jewish for you to be Jewish, so all those blowjobs I gave to my first Jewish boyfriend were for nothing. No birthright trip for me.)
“First off, I think that Die Fraulein should make her kinky proposal ASAP,” said Oppenheimer. “Given the ‘hyperapologetic’ curriculum that her Teutonic stud has absorbed, he is probably going to freak out no matter when she asks him to incinerate—er, tie her up and fuck her. On the other hand, if he’s open and kink-positive, he’ll probably be down for whatever. But it’s all or nothing in a case like this. She can’t win him over by persuading him that she’s not one of those uptight, unforgiving Jewesses who is still hung up on the destruction of European Jewry.”
While your kink didn’t really faze Oppenheimer (it’s not exactly unheard of), NSPP, your discomfort with your own Judaism did.
“In her letter, she assures us that she is ‘secular,’ ‘anti-Zionist,’ and ‘garden-variety self-hating’—then jokingly compares herself to the Jewish white supremacist (played by Ryan Gosling in that movie) who in real life killed himself after the New York Times outed him as a Jew,” said Oppenheimer. “Now, all of us (especially homos and Yids) know something about self-loathing, and I think Jews are entitled to any and all views on Israel, and—again—I am not troubled by her kink. That said, I do think she needs to get to a happier place about her own heritage. Just as it’s not good for black people to be uncomfortable with being black, or for queer people to wish they weren’t queer, it’s not healthy, or attractive, for Jews or Jewesses (we are taking back the term) to have such obvious discomfort with their Jewish heritage.”
And finally, NSPP, I shared your letter with a German friend of mine, just to see how it might play with someone who benefited from a hyperapologetic history curriculum. Would he do something like this?
“Not in six million years.”

I am totally with your German friend, who wouldn’t do Nazi role-play “in six million years.” I’ve been in a similar position—not quite Holocaust level, but not far off. I’m a white British guy. A while back, while living in the UK, I was dating a woman from Bangalore. She revealed—after her face lit up when I dressed in a way that made me “look like a colonialist” (her words)—that her deepest fantasy was to be an Indian slave girl raped by an English imperialist. And then, living in the US a few years later, I was dating a black woman. We got to talking about the kinks of exes. I told her about this one, and she revealed that her own fantasy was to be the slave on a 19th-century plantation, raped by her white owner. How about some advice for the human fetish objects in these scenarios, Dan? I didn’t want to stigmatize these women for their sexual desires, and I wanted to be GGG, but it was, frankly, hard (or not, as it were). Being asked to act out roles I feel guilty about, and to use the kind of racial epithets I make every effort to avoid… the guilt is a boner-killer. Any tips on how a GGG partner can get past this kind of mental block and at least act the role enthusiastically enough to fulfill the fantasy? Or was a subsequent girlfriend’s outrage about my willingness to indulge such socially regressive fantasies justified?—I Might Play Every Role I’m Asked Less Ideologically-Scrupulous Motives

Actors play Nazis in hit movies, British colonialists for prestigious BBC miniseries, and serial killers on long-running television shows. I don’t see why playing monsters in entertainments devised for millions wins Oscars (Christoph Waltz for playing a Nazi in Inglourious Basterds), BAFTAs (Tim Pigott-Smith for playing a brutal colonialist in The Jewel in the Crown), and Golden Globes (Michael C. Hall for playing a sociopathic serial killer in Dexter), but playing a monster for an audience of one should outrage “subsequent girlfriends” or anyone else.
My advice for people asked to play monsters in the bedroom mirrors my advice to a gay guy attracted to degrading “antigay” gay porn: “A person can safely explore degrading fantasies—even fantasies rooted in ‘hate ideologies’—so long as he/she is capable of compartmentalizing this stuff. Basically, you have to build a fire wall between your fantasies and your self-esteem. (And between your fantasies and your politics.)”
If you can build a fire wall between their fantasies and your politics and beliefs, IMPERIALISM, go for it. If you can’t, don’t.  —Dan

More libertarian humor for July

23 Jul
Steve Miller-Miller
Show me on the doll where the minarchists hurt you.


Bruce Majors
GOP guys are appealing to voters like me by seeing who can make the butchest viral video. I really didn’t expect Lindsey Graham to turn me on. Waiting to see Carly’s tho.



Some say Trump is Hillary’s Manchurian candidate sent to wreck the GOP.

But notice since he entered no one remarks on Rand Paul’s hair.









America shouldn’t take advice on the sharing economy from someone who has been driven around in a limo for 30 years.

Bruce Majors
When preparing dinner for your “liberal” Democrat friends, remember to ask whether they prefer the liver, the leg, or the kidney. ‪

Jeffrey Tucker starts for-profit Liberty Me Dance and Etiquette Lessons for Libertarians

14 Jul






It’s an Anarchist Eye for the Asperger’s Guy.






Franchises available!

New Obama stimulus plan – $2 billion for fertility clinics

18 Nov

I’m joking.  

But this photo isn’t photoshopped. 

Apparently in some Asian countries this is the word for “cement.”

That said, a public policy study I NEVER saw anyone anywhere write about, would have been on a regulation that people (i.e., upper middle class people with high option insurance and deep wallets), which required that sperm (and maybe egg) donors had to be HIV tested not with any of the common HIV tests, but with the more expensive anti-nucleic acid test.  Only a few labs in the whole country could do it when it became required back during the Bush administration, and it costs hundred of dollars per test.  It’s hard to imagine that the person who owned the patent to that test in the U.S. was not politically connected.  I’m sure it is a more accurate test.  But why were only the deep pocketed couples already spending thousands to conceive babies in their 40’s saddled with this extra expense?

Side note:  Star Parker once whispered to me at a CATO event that employer provided insurance programs (pre-Obamacare) that included fertility treatments for people who had put off having kids for two decades were “welfare for white women.”  She’s not totally wrong.

The Old Slap and Tickle

24 Feb
The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.
 
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. 
Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
 
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
 
‘Just how do you guys do it?’ asks Maureen.
 
The Martian responds, ‘Pretty much the way you do.’
 
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another’s sexual practices. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom.  When the Martian strips, he has only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and a quarter-inch thick.
 
‘I don’t think this is going to work,’ says Maureen.
 
‘Why?’ he asks. ‘What’s the matter?’
 
‘Well, she replies, ‘it’s just not long enough to reach me!’


 
‘No problem,’ he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it’s quite impressively long.
 
‘Well, she says, ‘that’s quite impressive, but it is still narrow.’
 
‘No problem,’ he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
 
‘Wow!’ she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.
 
The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, ‘Well, was it any 
good?’
 
‘I hate to say it,’ says Maureen, ‘but it was wonderful. How about you?’
 
‘It was horrible,’ he replies. ‘All I got was a headache….She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.’

Millennials at work

27 Nov

1-800-Obamacare

27 Nov

Receptionist:  Hello, Welcome to ObamaFlowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you?
Customer:  Hello.  I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
Receptionist:  Yes!  I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.
Customer:  Thanks, I ordered a “Spring Bouquet” for our anniversary, and wanted it  delivered to my wife.
Receptionist:  Interrupting, Sir, “Spring Bouquets” do not meet our  minimum standards, I will  be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
Customer:  But I have always ordered “Spring Bouquets”, done it  for years, my wife likes them.
Receptionist:  Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.
Customer: Well, how much are  they?
Receptionist: It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Receptionist: 6, 12,18 or 24 Red Roses.
Customer: The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?
Receptionist: It depends sir, what is your monthly income?
Customer: What does that have to do with anything?
Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.
Customer: FlowerAid?
Receptionist: Yes, Flowers are a right.  Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
Customer: Who said they were a right?
Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it constitutional.
Customer: Whoa!  I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right.
Receptionist:  It is not really a “Right in  the Constitution,” but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court  Ruled it a “Tax”. Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a right.
Customer: I don’t believe this.
Receptionist: It’s the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?
Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
Customer: Why?
Receptionist: To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.
Customer: WHAT?  You can’t charge me for NOT buying flowers!
Receptionist: It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income.
Customer interrupting: This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $9.50.
Receptionist: Sir, it is $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!
Receptionist: Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
Customer: Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going  to pay it.
Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir.  That’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?
Receptionist: So they get your GPS coordinates sir.
Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door
Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir.  Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers.  Have a nice day and God Bless America
(Author unknown)