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Star Wars – Spoiler Alerts!

27 Dec
This is only for people who have already seen the movie.

The new movie, The Force Awakens, attempts to recover from the disastrously lame prequels by basically copying the first movie (A New Hope), complete with a hard scrabble ingenue on a desert planet who turns out to be strong with the Force, and an empire that builds a death star that must be taken out by a small group of insurgents, and an interplanetary multi-species bar prominently featured.  While it is better than the prequels, and might even excite someone who’d never seen the first trilogy, it disappoints since it is a knock off of the original film.

Is it Hamill or Foster?

Somewhat boring and offensive is the bow to inclusivity.  The hard scrabble ingenue in the original was Mark Hamill, who before the actor’s car crash and facial reconstruction was the eidos of blond twink (basically what Jodie Foster would have looked like if she were a real boy).  Now the ingenue is female, played competently but not memorably by Daisy Riddle, as a kind of syfy Katherine Hepburn character (spunky, but not as witty, as Kate’s characters) , a sporty girl named Rey.  The Hans Solo character, who only joins the resistance initially to impress a girl, is now black, played by John Boyega.  (Gay people, and sexuality generally, are overlooked.  It’s Disney.  Those princesses may be many colors now but none of them are ever going to be male.)

Hepburnish Riddle

The old cast is brought in to give the film some zest, both Hans, Luke, and Leia (could the Jews behind this have picked more Aryan names?) and the droids R2D2 and CP3PO.  The film is probably best summed up by the fact that Hans Solo is killed by his son, played by the poor boy who is Lena Dunham’s chew toy on the show Girls.  That is how low the culture has fallen. Hans Solo killed by the vibrator of a little Obama piglet.

Here’s another review by a libertarian on Fandago:





I’m probably going to lose my last remaining friends behind this review, but I hated the new Star Wars–a phrase I thought I would never utter in a lifetime bookended by the defining space opera of our times. No spoilers here! And I feel bad, because I of course love Disney and I love J.J. Abrams (and George Lucas!), but this latest installment of the greatest franchise of all time was just a PC rehash of A New Hope, with familiar tropes thrown in to convince us this that is a Star Wars movie, with new characters but no back stories or opportunity to care about them. There was no story at all! In previous episodes, we got a New Hope, we got Revenge, we got Struck Back, we got Attack, and a Return of the Jedi. But at what point was the Force supposed to Awaken? I guess unless you count the moment when Daisy Ridley, whoever she is, gets a fierce glint in her eye. And for all misguided who think Empire was the best installment simply because Lucas didn’t direct it, I for one say give Lucas his $4 billion dollars back and let him direct the remaining movies (although with a better dialogue writer). A mystifying rehash isn’t a reboot, and it’s definitely not an Awakening.