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6 hilarious jokes from Sens. Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Mike Lee

4 Aug
Jokes from the opening night of Young Americans for Liberty’s national convention, recorded at RedAlert:

Sens. Ted Cruz, Mike Lee and Rand Paul
You might as well just call Sens. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), Ted Cruz (R-Texas) and Mike Lee (R-Utah) the Three Stooges — because they brought the jokes on Wednesday night.

The three Tea Party favorites spoke in front of a group of young conservatives and libertarians at the Young Americans for Liberty National Conference. And from the start, it was clear that they were playing to their home crowd, laughing and joking with one another, to the enjoyment of the audience.
So in case you missed the fun last night, Red Alert Politics has compiled the most hilarious jokes from the roundtable.

6. Life in college

Paul: “So when I was in college, I was in the library every night, home in bed by 9 o’clock, I never drank any beer or smoked any pot… No, no, that’s Mike Lee’s story.”

5. The ballroom lights suddenly getting brighter after talking about the NSA

Cruz: “By the way, that was Janet Napolitano who turned the lights on.”

4. Entitlement spending and procreation

Paul: “Why are the entitlements broken? Too many old people, not enough young people. It’s not Republicans’ fault, it’s not Democrats’ fault. It’s your great-grandparents’ fault for having too many damn kids.”
Cruz: “So are you suggesting they need to live it up and party tonight?”
Paul: “I did not say anything about procreation.”

3. Elvis sightings and opting out of Social Security

Lee: ”The reason that [opting out] is so appealing, probably to every single person in this room — and tell me if I’m right — is because most of you probably believe you’re more likely to see Elvis alive in this lifetime than get a dime from Social Security.”
Cruz: “I am very, very dismayed by your implication that Elvis is not alive. I have seen no evidence of that.”

2. TSA body scanners

Paul: “Your machines are so exquisite, so good that they can see every detail of my body that they’re now putting these blurry places on there so all the TSA people aren’t getting off looking at all the people…”

1. Paul’s microphone cutting in and out

Paul: “Damn NSA.”