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Who is responsible for making new etiquette rules for polyamorists?

20 May
So I went to a party this weekend where I knew about a third of the people.  I ended up in a grouping of people that included an older married friend I’ve known a little for decades, whose spouse I’ve know a little less long.  She is away now for work for an extended period.

He and I ended up talking to two women one of whom works in my field and the other of whom was there as her “wing woman” as her friend was there to meet a particular party guest, but needed backup in case she decided to bale on him.

My older friend and the wing woman got flirty on a subtle and polite level and there was a little flirting all round.  At one point, without thinking about it a lot and sort of as a joke I outed my married friend as married and said I was his wife’s “wing man.”

It’s not a situation I am in a lot, and I’ve since been informed by parties who were in another room that maybe he is in a somewhat open relationship.  Though how was I to know that.

Should one check to see if your married friends are or are not wearing a wedding ring to know if one is ok to talk about their being married that day?

Who is responsible for creating the social rules to deal with people in non-monogamous relationships?